HOTEL MAUNA KEA (¡POBRES NOCTÁMBULOS!)

Hotel Mauna Kea
(parody of The Eagle's Hotel California by Felder, Henley and Frey)
Copyright 2007 by John Annen, Juan Delgado, Kelly Fast, Theodor Kostiuk, Tim Livengood

On a volcanic highway, cool wind in my hair,
Pale mist of a cryogen, drifting down through the air,
Up ahead in the distance, I saw a silver dome, bright.
Granted time at the IRTF, I must observe for the night.

The baseline is drifting, the spectrum looks weird.
Are those emission lines? What’s this dip over here?
Will the referees buy it? Or is it just trash?
Proposals are pending, I’m running out of cash.

Welcome to the Hotel Mauna Kea,
Such a dusty space, such an arid place.
We’re living it up at the Hotel Mauna Kea,
Any time of year, if the night is clear.

Sleep deprivation, there’s no air to breath,
Long drive to the summit, family’s missing me.
Flat tire on the dirt road, I can no longer drive.
Will I miss dinner, will they hold it ‘til I arrive?

Got an altitude headache. I can hardly see.
I stopped drinking coffee, now I drink only tea.
There’s ice on the switchbacks, summit’s out of reach
Can’t do our science, let’s go to the beach!

Welcome to the Hotel Mauna Kea,
Such a dusty space, such an arid place.
We’re living it up at the Hotel Mauna Kea,
If the orbit is right, they might give us a night.

The window is fogging, the dewar’s gone soft,
The signal is dying, too much cirrus aloft,
Now the lasers are arcing, the guide camera’s fried,
I’m a victim of a disk crash, my career has just died.

Last thing I remember, I was running for the door,
I had to find the passage back to the lab I had before.
Relax, said the P.I., it will just take one more tweak.
Close the dome any time you like, but you can never leave!